Thursday, February 14, 2008

no.7 - the Beagle

A Beagle has just been awarded the highest theoretical honor in the dog world; best in show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

The choice was described as a "crowd pleaser". If this is true I would suggest the crowd take closer look at this unscrupulous and ill-tempered little animal.

At the age of six I was brutally attacked by a pharmacist's Beagle named "Sammy". While this dog was not directly involved in the Son of Sam case, I did imagine the two dogs had a kinship and possibly a correspondence. To this day I bear a three inch long scar on my face. It is faint thanks to plastic surgery, but still clearly visible for anyone who wants to see.

From this experience I learned the Beagle is one of the top ten dogs most likely to bite you. They are snappy little things. The Beagle does not, however, rate as one of most dangerous dogs because it's small statue and general lameness keep it from being a threat to anyone but small children. This is part of what makes them such a foul breed. They only attack the small and the weak because they aren't just mean, they are sneaky cowards.

What the Westminster judges were thinking is a baffling mystery. Beyond my personal feelings about the Beagle (which are admittedly strong) I still take exception to the choice. The beagle is a squat, wall-eyed, tone-deaf creature which reeks like a wet carpet unless vigorously treated with pet shampoo. How to choose this over noble breeds like the Collie or the Husky? Is it that this particular Beagle was perfectly squat, wall-eyed, and smelly? Remember, this contest is just a veiled endorsement of Eugenics, holding each dog to an idealized standard.



Okay - maybe I hate Beagles more than I should, but what else can be expected when one has been mauled in the face. Just ask Rachel Bilson about whom I know almost nothing, but who also suffered at the gapping maw of this beast.

As an aside, can you get Hot Dogs in the stands at the Westminster Dog Show?

Don't worry Snoopy - I know you aren't really a Beagle and I still love you.



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10 Comments:

Anonymous Ivy & Bryson said...

Great blog! Glad that I wandered here from Flickr's dog group...

I also wondered why beagles are so popular, they howl like crazy, and from what I read, they aren't very trainable...

BTW, did you do all the graphics on your blog? Love the "engravings", great job!

February 14, 2008 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you are making this presumption on one dog. Not all dogs are alike. Just like humans. My guess is that the dog that did this wasn't a purebred beagles. Beagles are bred to hunt rabbits, and it is not in the inbred nature to hurt humans. They do not bite. Unless maybe you have food on you.

For the most part, beagles are kind, gentle, happy, and loving dogs. They can be noisy at times, but that is just part of the charm. Each dog is different. Just because you hate a person, doesn't mean you hate all humans. Or a section of humans, since we are only talking about one breed here.

Getting over a childhood trauma is hard, but maybe you should think of it this way and give beagles a chance as this was at most an unfortunate accident.

February 14, 2008 5:59 PM  
Blogger Katsoulis said...

The only food I had on me was my face.

February 14, 2008 7:24 PM  
Blogger IcePony Goddess said...

Get over it! Maybe you need to call my daughter. She's a clinical physiologist, she may be able to help you overcome your beagle fear.

February 15, 2008 4:45 PM  
Anonymous BeagleMom in Kansas said...

I'm sorry to burst anyone's bubble but ANY DOG will bite if there is reason - and that is not your reason or mine but the DOG's reasoning. Have you ever been bitten by a Cocker Spaniel? I have. Have you ever been bitten by a West Highland White Terrier? Again, I have. Have you ever been bitten by a small mixed-breed dog(Yorki-Poo)? And one more time, I have. I have seen with my own eyes a Pekinese attack a woman's husband simply because he wanted to sit beside his own wife on the sofa. I have seen Labrador Retrievers chase their owner simply because the owner wanted to take them for a walk.

As anyone who owns a Beagle will tell you - a Beagle is NOT for everyone. I happen to own 2 Beagles and it is HIGHLY unlikely I will ever own any other breed, ever! And, just because someone only READS they aren't trainable - that does NOT make it true. Until you actually own at least one of these magnificent animals - DON'T pass judgement on them. One of my Beagles (which, by the way, are purebreds and registered with the American Kennel Club) visits in nursing homes and at a hospice and goes to the library where children take turns reading to him - you try being a small dog and have to tolerate a small child poking fingers in your ears and climbing on you. This dog has also earned his Canine Good Citizen award from the AKC - a series of tasks that a dog must perform to test behavior/temperament. My other Beagle has successfully completed her basic level of obedience training - will soon enter her intermediate level and continue training for her therapy dog standing. I talk with many who own Beagles and would not own any other breed. Beagles are listed as #5 as the most popular breed in the AKC.

I do hope you include this reply in your blog - isolated incidence of what you experienced does not make a viscious dog. And besides, usually if a dog becomes aggressive - it has, in some way, either been provoked by a human or the dog has not been properly trained and/or handled.

February 15, 2008 10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I object to your classification of all beagles as a "foul breed". Perhaps the "foul breed" in your situation was either your pharmacist who failed to properly train and supervise his dog, or your mother who failed to properly train and supervise you. All pets, and all children, should be trained and supervised.

Our beagle, Gus, is the sweetest creature to ever walk the face of this planet (sorry Uno, it's true). He provides more joy and companionship than I ever expected from a pet. He is always happy-go-lucky and ready to vigorously play, or lazily snuggle, as our swinging moods see fit. He greets our visitors at the door with so much excitement that his wagging tail smacks into his sides, but does not jump on our guests. He has learned that barking and baying is only appropriate at the dog park or when we are in a vigorous play session. When we give the cue that play time is over, all singing stops. We have learned that any time food is left out he will find a way to get to it - that's simply in his nature and WE have had to train OURSELVES to be just as clever as he is.

That being said, I agree that people should NOT get a beagle on a whim, simply because they are all so damned irresistibly adorable. If you are not cut out for spending LOTS of time training your dog, walking your dog, feeding and caring for your dog, and SUPERVISING your dog, especially in the presence of children, then you are not cut out to own a beagle (or any other pet for that matter).

No animal or child should be left together unsupervised.

Visit Gus's blog at gusthebeagle.blogspot.com

February 16, 2008 12:00 PM  
Blogger Katsoulis said...

Dear Anonymous or

Gus's owner,

I don't know where you got the idea that the beagle owner was my pharmacist. As a six year old in good health (until being mauled) I did not have a pharmacist.

My mention of his profession is only relevant to the story because, a couple of years after the incident, he was jailed for selling narcotics to high school kids. (something I intend to write about further down the road.)

As for the other conclusion you jumped to - that I was unsupervised - I was not. In fact, there were about a dozen adults, some friends, some neighbors, just a few feet away. All of whom where shocked by the attack because it came without provocation or warning.

I certainly would not expect a Beagle owner to agree with my viewpoint, but what I find odd is the strangely accusitory and defensive tone of many of the comment posters.


While I had not intended it, I may have a new demon to blog about.

February 17, 2008 2:45 PM  
Anonymous Liz said...

Your blog is funny! But watch out if you let anyone comment because, as you can see, some people are heartless lunatics!

February 17, 2008 4:51 PM  
Anonymous Erin in Vermont said...

I find Liz's comment interesting... 'some people are heartless lunatics!'. People are going to voice their opinions on a topic and if you say something that upsets them, they are going to let you know. Does that make them a heartless lunatic?? NO! It means they feel strongly about something and would like to share their feelings as well! I personally own a beagle and though he can be stubborn (as all beagles can, it's just part of their build) he can be sweet as pie. Since you have encountered such a horrific incident of course you are not going to like Beagles, to me, that is understandable. It sounds like this dog had some issues, who knows how this dog was treated by children in the past...maybe the dog had been abused. The dogs owner was ultimately at fault here, but the only thing anyone can ever ask is that you realize that not all beagles are that way. Of course, to each their own and I'm sure you will never change your opinion on this topic but just try to remember that every dog is different and there may have just been something that happened to this dog. I'm very disappointed that you think because of this, the Beagle should not have been choosen as the Best in Show, but thankfully, you were not the judge!

February 18, 2008 11:07 AM  
Blogger Bill Sweet said...

Proof positive that people go nutso if you dare to criticize their dogs or their kids.

March 5, 2008 2:14 PM  

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